DAY 1 OF 365; THE BEGINNING.

As usual it started with the hallucinations, another one? This time around it's a white wall spattered with blood. "I WAS HERE" is written right across it in blood and I'm laying on the floor a couple of inches away. There's blood everywhere, it's my blood and I'm lifeless. I shake my head realizing it wasn't real but I can't stop it, I can't help it, I'm helpless. I can't slow down the beat of my heart it's doing double time on a free way, it's racing too fast; I need it to slow down.
"Not again" is all I can think to myself, not this year and sure as hell not this girl. A song starts playing in my head -'I was here' by Beyonce - I try not to sing along, I try not to mouth the lyrics but my subconscious mind has a will of its own. It continues playing line by line, word for word. It plays nonstop so I just let it play, there's nothing I can do now but let it finish. I can't move!
Moments later it's over, it's all over! I run to the bathroom to wash my face, I look in the mirror and it's still me. I'm trying to hold the tears, I force myself not to cry. I know I have to be strong cause I'm bigger than this, I'm tough! I start to think happy thoughts, it helps. I take my mind to my beautiful place where everything is right in the world and no one thinks me crazy. I'm home, I'm free.
It was just a panic attack. Yes, another one. MENTAL ILLNESS IS REAL, it's more real than you think or imagine. You'll never know nor understand it unless you've been through it. Look out for your loved ones and those around you, they just might be SUFFERING IN SILENCE they need you.
Be watchful,
Be vigilant,
Be kind.

XOXO-Rebel D🌹